Happy Holidays Can Be Stressful, Too!

The holidays are almost here and maybe you will be spending extended time with loved ones. You may be looking forward to this and yet find it challenging, because sometimes those we love most can also trigger us.

If you do find yourself in conflict with a loved one, as when a well-meaning family member offers suggestions or make comments that you find a bit offensive, you may say or do things that you later regret. Remember, it’s ok to make a mistake! Give yourself a little self-compassion with our Restitution phrases like:

· It’s ok to make a mistake

· You were doing the best you could in that moment!

· What value were you trying to protect?

· You didn’t do that for no reason….

· Could you have done worse?

After you have calmed down and are out of your brain stem, you may find yourself wishing for a "do over.” The “Self-Restitution” tool is a simple 3 step process for making things right, that goes far beyond saying "I'm sorry."

Step 1: I don’t like what/the way I __________ (take responsibility for your behavior)

Step 2: My part of the problem was _______________(no blame here, just take ownership of what was going on for you)

• I was tired and didn’t take time to understand

• I got frustrated and lost control

• I was angry and I took it out on you

• I was stressed about _______

• My expectation was different from yours

• I had information you did not have

Step 3: Next time I will _________ (what will you do differently the next time)?

TIPS for SUCCESS:

-- You need to be willing to take responsibility for your part in the problem.

--There is no blaming or pointing fingers here. We don’t say: “I don’t like the way I spoke to you earlier. You were being annoying and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

--This is about YOU and your behavior. The other person may or may not respond to this positively, but you are doing your part to clear the air, making it right from your side

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!

Meemie